


But when he turns off to sleep

by Marmalade_Skies



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-04
Updated: 2011-01-04
Packaged: 2017-10-14 10:04:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/148089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marmalade_Skies/pseuds/Marmalade_Skies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>Summary:</b> Finn thinks back about a night that redefined his relationship with Kurt. He has that private moment of contemplation in his bathtub, as men occasionally do. *clears his throat*</p>
            </blockquote>





	But when he turns off to sleep

**Author's Note:**

> _Written for GleeJukebox_
> 
>  **Song Inspiration:** [Christina Aguilera, Lil’ Kim, Mya, Pink – Lady Marmalade](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQa7SvVCdZk)

Finn has already left most of his clothes in the bedroom. He takes off his boxers and socks and puts them in the hamper, then walks to the tub and shuts down the water.

Between work, chores, and taking care of the kids, it’s been a long day and he’s been looking forward to this. Parents don’t get a lot of me-time. The water is almost too hot, and that’s just how he likes it. He lowers himself in and slides down so that even his head is underwater. He counts slowly to five, then he moves again, his head and shoulders emerging from the water as he settles himself comfortably and relaxes.

It’s late. The night has already fallen outside, and he can barely hear any noise in the house. The kids are probably finishing their homework before dinner, which his wife is in the kitchen making.

He rubs one of his nipples with his left hand, while the right one drifts between his legs and he cups his balls, kneading them gently with his fingers. That’s nice.

He’s feeling content.

And sleepy.

When he graduated from college, he didn’t imagine that following in Mr. Schue’s footsteps would be so difficult. Even as a substitute, the pickings are slim when it comes to jobs.

He’d eventually taken to working for a local landscaper between gigs to make ends meet.

It’s nice to work with his hands, but by the end of the day, he isn’t left with much energy.

He wonders how Kurt is doing, far away in New York, being a star. He knows how hard Kurt had had to work for every inch of his success, all the sacrifices that went into it. He can’t quite understand that Kurt is still single either. He knows from occasionally talking to Rachel that there are guys, but they never last, which he doesn’t get. He can’t imagine it, having Kurt and not wanting to hold on to him. It should make him sad, that Kurt is still alone, but deep in his heart, he’s just a little bit glad, which is knows is a terrible thing to feel.

His thoughts are betraying him again, like they sometimes do. He resolutely starts thinking about other things. The Buckeyes. His meeting with Joe and the guys for a beer on Friday. How nice it was to run into Matt the other day and find out that he’s back in town. The Buckeyes again.

It’s too late of course. It never works. He’s too tired to put up much of a fight and that particular memory has a way of sticking around, like a little bit of sauce right next to your mouth that your tongue just can’t quite reach.

It seems strange that even after all this time, it’s still so vivid, especially considering he was a little drunk. There are so many stretches of Finn’s college years that have disappeared in a haze, but whenever he starts imagining anything about that night instead of remembering, he can always tell, and he always remembers. It’s etched in his mind like the unfortunate tattoo of Boots the Monkey on his ass he got after getting drunk with his frat brothers on Spring Break.

Finn should know by now that bad things happen when he drinks.

In his defense, that night, he’d kind of had to. It’s guy code. Chicks who get their hearts broken eat ice-cream, and guys get drunk. Everybody knows that.

~*~

Of course, at first, Finn didn’t know what had happened. He only knew that Tina had seen Kurt get into his car and drive away, even though it was the middle of the day. Finn went home early, thinking Kurt might be sick. Their parents were still in Pittsburgh visiting his aunt Sophie, so if Kurt was sick, Finn would have to look after him.

When he got there, he could see that something was very wrong. Kurt had just walked out of the room, out of McKinley, and driven straight back home where he’d locked himself in his room. He begged Kurt through the door, until Kurt finally opened it and let him in.

There were no sad Broadway songs playing on a loop, just Kurt sitting in silence on his super-fashionable bed, looking a kind of miserable that Finn hadn’t seen since the last few days before Kurt had transferred to Dalton.

Finn couldn’t get a word out of him, but eventually managed to coax him into showering and doing his skin-care routine and went downstairs to get them something to eat. Worried sick, he rummaged in the kitchen, looking for something that Kurt might want to eat. He found some carrot sticks, crackers, a bar of chocolate. Stuff you can nibble on was the way to go if he was going to get Kurt to eat.

He stopped to look at the bottle of magnolia wine Burt’s sister had left on her last visit. Carole and Burt were beer-people, so it wasn’t going anywhere. Finn decided to open it and take it up with him back to Kurt’s room.

Finn put everything on Kurt’s desk and about a minute later, Kurt walked out of the bathroom, wearing his robe, with a little more color on his cheeks, but looking as sad as before. Finn patted the bed next to him and Kurt sat down.

Finn handed him a glass of wine, and Kurt looked at it for a second, then drank it in one go.

“Easy there,” said Finn, handing him the plate of crackers. “You might wanna eat something too.”

Kurt said nothing, but ate one of the crackers, and Finn put away the glass and the plate.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Finn barely heard the “No.”

“I know where Burt keeps his shotgun. If someone needs killing I’ll totally do it. You just tell me.”

Kurt gave him a slightly disbelieving look, which turned softer and sadder, and then asked softly, “Can I have a hug?”

Finn didn’t hesitate, just hugged him and didn’t let go. If Kurt of all people was asking for a hug, then it had to be bad. He just held him, his face pressed against Kurt’s still damp hair. Kurt smelled better than most girls and Finn breathed in the smell, feeling Kurt’s arms around his chest, hugging him almost hard enough to bruise.

They stayed like that for a little while, Kurt relaxing little by little, then finally letting go.

“Kurt, what happened?”

Kurt didn’t say anything for a long moment, then asked for more wine and started talking, tears rolling down his cheeks.

Relationships end. It happens. Everyone knows that, but no one likes to think about it and you always hope yours will beat the odds.

Kurt’s didn’t.

And Kurt walking in on Karofski going down on his boyfriend had kind of been the worst possible way to find out.

Finn wished it had been him instead of Kurt. If it had been Finn, he’d have beat them up, or whipped out his cell phone and sent the picture to the entire school, or both, or something.

Kurt didn’t care. As he and Finn got drunker, he started talking more, telling Finn that he didn’t get why his boyfriend hadn’t told him anything. That Kurt had wanted to take things slow to enjoy them more, but would have done anything to keep their relationship going if he’d known his boyfriend wouldn’t wait.

Finn grabbed Kurt by the upper arms, and looked him straight in the eye.

“You have _nothing_ to be sorry for. You did nothing wrong.”

But Kurt asked, if he was doing things right, why was it that even gay guys didn’t want him.

“You’re beautiful. Inside and out, Kurt. Anyone who doesn’t get that is a douchebag.”

Kurt gave him a peck on the lips. “You’re sweet.”

Finn flushed and thought that a really sweet guy probably wouldn’t be getting a semi.

Kurt looked kind of lovely, the way he always did when he looked sad. Most people couldn’t make being this pale look good, but Kurt did. He’d once referred to his skin color as ‘ _d’une blancheur de lait_ ’, which he’d explained was French for milky-white. He’d added that his mother had been the same. Finn could see why Burt would have been smitten. Even on a guy, Finn had noticed.

The robe was starting to slide open at the top, revealing just a clavicle for now, but it made Kurt look more naked somehow, just that little glimpse of milky skin. Finn remembered Brittany talking about how soft Kurt’s skin was and before he knew it, his fingers were brushing against it : it was silky-smooth under his fingers, softer that he would ever have imagined from looking at it.

Kurt didn’t look as pale anymore, and Finn's semi was no longer just a semi.

They looked at each other for a beat, and then Kurt leaned forward and kissed him. His lips were even softer than his skin, but there was nothing soft about the way he kissed. It was fierce and desperate, like he needed Finn more than he needed air, and Finn could taste the wine and the crackers and toothpaste, and below that, he could taste Kurt and Finn wanted more.

A few seconds later and the robe was on the floor, Kurt in Finn’s lap, strong thighs on each side of Finn, his arms around Finn’s neck and Finn couldn’t get enough of him, one of his hands running up and down Kurt’s spine, tracing it softly, while another rubbed up and down Kurt’s leg before settling on his ass. Kurt’s ass filled Finn’s palm just right, like it had been made for him, and Finn wanted to squeeze as hard as he could, hard enough to hurt, hard enough to _bruise_ , so that everyone would know it was his and his alone.

After a while, Kurt stopped kissing him and looked at him again. Finn felt flushed and dizzy, and when Kurt said he was hungry, he almost reached for the plate of crackers, but then swift strong hands were making fast work of his belt buckle and what little blood had been left in his brain traveled south.

He looked at Kurt, taking it all in: Kurt, naked and on his knees between his legs, and the way he looked at Finn, like Finn was the most magnificent thing he’d ever seen, and the way he bit his lips while pulling Finn’s pants down, like he couldn’t wait to get to the next part.

~*~

Finn stares at the bathroom ceiling and squeezes himself hard and takes deep breaths, trying to calm down so it won’t be over too soon. He thinks of the mailman with a smile of amusement and waits. The bathroom is quiet, and the only sound to be heard is his own labored breath.

He reaches behind his balls with a finger, rubbing the soft skin there as his other hand starts moving up and down his cock again. His smile widens as he remembers what comes next.

~*~

Kurt’s mouth, slick, hot and tight, driving him insane as Kurt bobbed his head up and down, taking in as much of Finn as he could, until he choked like he was gagging for it. One of his hands was clutching at the inside of Finn’s thigh for balance and the other one was _everywhere_ , squeezing the base of his cock, caressing his balls almost tenderly, rubbing the little stretch of skin behind them until Finn’s toes curled and his eyes wanted to roll back in his head. There weren’t enough multiplication tables and mailmen in the universe for this to last if Kurt didn’t stop.

Finn reached for Kurt’s head uncertainly, force of habit telling him to not mess with his hair, but the way Kurt moaned and leaned into his hand when he finally touched it told Finn to go for it. He grabbed as much hair as he could and slowly but firmly pulled Kurt off his cock.

Kurt’s pupils were so wide, he looked like he was flying high on the best drugs money could ever buy, and he was gulping air like a drowning man. Finn and him ended up staring at each other for a long moment, words dying before they could properly form, but then Kurt was up, and Finn had his first good look at Kurt’s cock. He’d seen his share of them over the years in the locker room, but never hard, or so close and as beautiful as everything else was about Kurt.

It was smaller, but then so was Kurt, and it curved up, instead of slightly down like Finn’s, but it was still a solid handful when Finn reached for it. Kurt froze, shaking slightly, almost afraid to move, and then he placed his hands on Finn’s shoulder, like he couldn’t stand on his own any longer, and he let Finn explore.

When Finn’s fingers drifted behind Kurt’s balls, between his thighs, Kurt’s breath hitched and he spread his legs slightly wider. Finn’s fingers drifted further still, until he reached what he’d been looking for. He rubbed gently against the opening, thinking that he should have been grossed out, be he really _really_ wasn’t, and the liquid pearling at the end of Kurt’s cock, the sound that occasionally escaped Kurt’s throat, so raw and needy and true, like the most perfect love song, all of it told him what would happen next. There was no fear, just that certainty and the feeling that his skin was too tight to contain him, like he would explode if they didn’t go ahead, because he needed to be inside Kurt.

He growled when Kurt moved away, and Kurt shivered, then he grabbed the bottle of hand lotion from his bedside table. He moved back towards Finn, handing him the bottle. Finn slicked up his fingers, put down the bottle on the bed next to him and pulled Kurt closer, until he was close enough, his legs spread enough, his hands on Finn’s shoulders again, Finn’s every breath making Kurt’s cock twitch as Finn slowly pushed his index finger inside Kurt.

It was tighter and hotter than Finn had ever imagined and he could see that Kurt’s hard-on was flagging a little, so he leaned forward and kissed the head of his cock. That certainly did the trick. He watched as liquid pearled at the end again, and he licked it, curious at the taste. Kurt started making that sound again, and Finn smiled, licking Kurt as he worked his finger more and more inside him, and then two of them. After a little while, he got up and finished undressing, then he reached for the lotion bottle again and handed it to Kurt.

“Slick me.”

Kurt’s hands were shaking so badly that he had to try for a few seconds before he could open it, and he poured a big amount in the palm of his hand. He looked at Finn and handed him the bottle again, explaining in halting words, “… one more … finger … You’re big.”

Kurt reached down and his hand on Finn’s cock made his vision swim for a second.

He didn’t let Kurt take any longer than he had to. Instead, he grabbed him and threw him on the bed. Kurt landed on his back and watched as Finn advanced, threw one of Kurt’s leg over his arm for easier access and started to finger-fuck Kurt as ruthlessly as possible, until those three fingers were sliding in and out without resistance and Kurt was spread limply on the bed, his white skin making him look almost out of this world against the black satin sheets.

Finn lifted Kurt’s other leg and spread them, and there was almost no resistance, Kurt bendier than anyone had any right to be as he grabbed his own ankles. Finn pressed himself against Kurt, and pushed in slowly. Even with the lotion, it was still so tight, he felt like he couldn’t breathe. Mid-way in, he almost started to back out; Kurt immediately let go of his ankles, wrapping his legs around Finn tight as a vise, and spoke in a voice so deep it was almost unrecognizable.

“Don’t. Stop.”

Kurt wasn’t even hard anymore, and the one thing that Finn could never do was hurt him. “What if …”

The legs tightened just a little more around him. “ _More._ ”

Finn started to push in again, and Kurt seemed to melt into the mattress, his legs falling on each side of Finn. Finn grabbed them, put the ankles on his shoulders and made his final push until he was all the way in. He could have died that instant and he wouldn’t have cared.

They stayed still for a short while and then Finn started to move again, at first gently, and then with greater strength as Kurt kept asking for more, until he was pounding into Kurt like an rutting animal. The slap of flesh on flesh seemed impossibly loud.

Kurt somehow got hard again, and jerked himself off slowly while his eyes never left Finn’s.

Neither of them lasted very long.

Finn pulled carefully out of Kurt and collapsed next to him on the bed. They lay there for a while, filthy and breathless, pressed against each other, and then they slept.

~*~

Finn is startled out of his afterglow by a knock on the bathroom door.

“Honey, did you fall asleep in there? Dinner’s almost ready.”

“Almost done.”

He hears her footsteps fade as she walks away, and then he looks at the bath, at his spent and deflating cock, and he wonders how long he can keep going like this.

The morning after, they’d cleaned up without a word.

That day at school, Finn found Kurt’s ex on the parking lot before class and punched him in the face. Finn broke his nose.

It’s been years, and his relationship with Kurt is as good as it has ever been given the distance. He’s married to a good woman, he has wonderful kids, loving parents, he has a roof over his head and enough work to make ends meet. Maybe his life isn’t always easy, but whose is? And yet he still does this to himself, obsess over that one night that haunts him, that he can’t let go of.

But he has to. He knows that. And he will.

Tomorrow.

 

 _Seeing her skin feeling silky smooth  
Color of cafe au lait  
Made the savage beast inside  
Roar till it cried  
More, More, More!_

 _Now he's at home doing 9 to 5  
Living his brave life of lies  
But when he turns off to sleep  
Old memories creep …  
More,  
More,  
More! _


End file.
